Should I Respond to Negative Comments on Social Media? And if your suggestions are rejected, ask them if they just need some space. What they do is convey hope, and HOPE is what keeps a person alive, or at least motivated to get to the next day to see if the light at the end of the tunnel is really a place of rebirth Borchard says. While I firmly believe these utterances are always said with good intentions, they usually do more harm than good. Not-for-profit organisation Anxiety UK similarly says that more than 1 in 10 people are likely to have a debilitating anxiety disorder at some point in their lives. Suggesting that you know how he or she is feeling because you felt sad once or know someone else who has had a depressive condition is not helpful and may make your loved one feel invalidated, explains Ryland. Although you may think that your advice is helpful, it trivializes the problem and places the blame on the person for not being able to "out-think" the disorder. 1. If they could calm down, they would. It feels like the biggest, scariest, worst thing that could happen, and you cant turn that fear off like a switch. Maybe they just want a listening ear or someone to sit with them. A very big deal. Dismissing depression in this way can discourage people from seeking treatment. Support and compassion can help, though. "Stop worrying about it" "You're an anxious person" "Just don't think about it" This is a gentle but direct offer of support. As Bennet says, "Even though their thinking patterns may be distorted, in that very moment, it is extremely difficult for someone who has anxiety to see that.". Depression can affect many aspects of day-to-day life, especially your marriage. Many patients have described to me the unhelpful comments theyve had to deal with. People dont enjoy being depressed. Read our, Speak to a Therapist for Social Anxiety Disorder. They may say no but inviting them to be with you or participate in an activity can also make them feel they have someone to rely on. Persistent depressive disorder (dysthymia) is a chronic form of depression. Sorry. We offer tips for helping you work through challenges and strengthen your bond. Respect that you didnt know they were experiencing this, and dont have to understand it fully, to be there for them. Deep belly breaths help balance the body's autonomic nervous functions, which in turn can reduce feelings of anxiety or stress, according to the Mayo Clinic. It often requires professional support for symptoms to improve, and even then, its a long and complex process. Thankfully, the most helpful things we can offer are straightforward and dont require professional training or even a lot of imagination. Its tempting to try and alleviate the awkwardness with a bit of humour. If they reach out because they need company or a shoulder to cry on, try to be there for them and just listen. 16 Hard Launch Caption Ideas That'll Break The Internet, Shadow Work Is All About Stepping Into Your Power Here's How To Do It, 35 Groundbreaking Women From History You Didn't Learn About In School, Get Even More From Bustle Sign Up For The Newsletter. Daniel B. But treatments are available to help you cope. You really can't "just get over it. When someone is depressed, they may carry feelings of guilt and shame. WebHere are 10 examples of the worst things to say to someone with anxiety or with depression. Instead, offer open body language to help demonstrate positivity. However, they are the furthest from being helpful or constructive, simply It feels unsupportive," Kitley says. ", In an attempt to calm an anxious person's worry, you might also feel tempted to say "it's all in your head." From there you can work out how to best support your loved one together. "You should do your best never to minimize or invalidate someone's experience with anxiety," says therapist Katie Krimer, MS, LMSW. Learn the symptoms of persistent depressive disorder so you can manage the condition and live well. But keep in mind that anxiety feels very real, so this comment rarely comes off as intended. She likes square or box breathing exercises, which involve inhaling for four counts, holding the breath for four counts and exhaling for four counts. Instead, make them feel safe, distract them from their worries, and keep them in the present. But saying nothing and listening instead is sometimes the most appropriate response. Theres only so much you can do and say when someone has depression. Respect the reality of your loved one. "Yet, because we cannot 'see' anxiety, it is hard for people that have never experienced it to understand." In that case, telling someone they're overthinking something might just make them feel like they're failing at managing their feelings, and again, shuts down the conversation, she adds. While you mean well, and only want to commiserate, this can come off as a pretty big insult. Focus on validation and hopeful comments. Just do what you can with their permission without seeking anything in return. Your loved one may seem happy and smile all the time, but that doesnt mean thats what theyre experiencing internally. Weve given you some tools, tips, and science behind communicating with a loved one who has depression. "This response implies that they should not be anxious and their response is unjustified. If we look at its foundations, anxiety involves being in a constant or near-constant state of stress. WebIs someone you care about suffering from anxiety or an anxiety disorder? Keeping your environment generally organized and tidy may be among the first outward-facing things that slip when depression or anxiety worsen. Rather than being scared of small talk, make a point of overcoming your fear of it. Verywell Mind articles are reviewed by board-certified physicians and mental healthcare professionals. tells Bustle. Give pause for softened eye contact coupled with a relaxed mouth (i.e., the opposite of a piercing gaze). of signs you need emergency medical attention or call 911. Equating depression or mental health with weakness is ignorant. Dont make a show of helping out, and dont comment on how cleaning up will make them feel better. Freedom Being there for someone with depression goes a long way. I can certainly see how this seems like a comforting thing to say, and sometimes it is. If someone you care about lives with symptoms of depression, what you say can be taken one way or another depending on the challenges theyre facing. Again, chances are the person giving the speech knows that her hands shook the whole time. These symptoms need to be experienced during at least a 2-week period. When someone we love is dealing with depression, we want to help but might not know where to start. Yes, you probably have good intentions and are trying to relate to them. They are not selfish; they are just not well. How to process and deal with grief or loss. They make up scenarios, and the thing they have the most difficulty doing is stopping or slowing down those thoughts," Kitley says. 2005-2023 Psych Central a Red Ventures Company. Senay I, et al. People who blush easily, whether they have SAD or not, generally don't like being made the center of attention when it happens. "Physical touch and activities can help calm internal feelings of anxiety," Kitley says. We are aware that our fears and our thoughts are often irrational, but we cant control the way these things affect us. Either ease us slowly into it or let us do it by ourselves when we're ready. "Telling them to calm down is not empathetic and insinuates that they are choosing to have an anxiety disorder," counselor Montigus Jackson, MS, LMHC tells Bustle. But we cannot, because our anxiety will not let us. Read on for some more phrases to avoid, no matter what. Finally, someone in the Biden administration who actually cares was getting on an airplane to show concern. Its tempting to try and alleviate the awkwardness with a bit of humour. 1. If a loved one is living with depression, you can support them by showing up and avoiding things like telling them to cheer up or offering them alcohol. It takes a good amount of vulnerability for a person with anxiety to share the inner workings of their mental processes. Bearing that in mind, here are ten things not to say to someone who has anxiety. Keep your arms unfolded and your hands out of your pockets. An anxiety disorder can interfere with their ability to function on a day-to-day basis, for an extended period of time. The most helpful responses, instead, tend to be gentle and serve as a reminder that you're there for them. Seeing someone you care for facing significant challenges can be overwhelming and hurtful for you, too. Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. I had it harder than you. You dont know what is hard for us. Even if you yourself have depression, you dont know exactly how someone else with depression feels. 2023 Dotdash Media, Inc. All rights reserved, Arlin Cuncic, MA, is the author of "Therapy in Focus: What to Expect from CBT for Social Anxiety Disorder" and "7 Weeks to Reduce Anxiety.". Instead of shutting down the conversation, Kitley recommends helping the person talk through their worry or fear by discussing worst case scenarios together. When speaking with someone with SAD, remember that the person wants to feel like you are listening and interested in what he has to say. People with social anxiety suffer from anticipatory anxiety, distorted thinking, avoidance from social situations or even physical symptoms like shaking or pounding Giving them that agency can make a world of difference. People with depression may be aware theyre not acting as usual, or that its difficult for them to socialize or complete some tasks. Avoid calling someone with anxiety "crazy" or "insane" or that they're simple an "anxious person. You mean well, you really do. "You can't get to work, you can't sleep and you can't engage in relationships the way you'd like to." Branding a person based on their anxious symptoms can be detrimental to their self-concept as this sends the message that others see their anxiety as a defining characteristic," says Romanoff. Things Not to Say to Someone With Social Anxiety. "It just adds fuel to the fire. I cant really understand how you are feeling, but I can offer my compassion. It may take away their sense of control and direction. This may be the most uncomfortable thing to say because many people want to fill in the silence with something, even if its small talk. For someone with depression, this can be downright cruel to hear. When someone is anxious, theyre unlikely to give up this coping mechanism so easily because it does work temporarily. It will be fine. Giving someone false hope isnt helpful. As Bennet says, "Anxiety feels large, dark, and overwhelming. And that's awesome. And, you pointing it out probably made it turn three shades brighter. Radical Self-Love for Everybody and Every Body, October 16, 2018 by Gillian Brown Leave a Comment. Thank you for telling me how you feel. If you know someone with the disorder, be patient and supportive, but do not speak on his behalf. Trust me, they would love to be able to calm down. Again, this isnt by choice. This statement lacks empathy and understanding of what a depression It significantly impacts a persons ability to function and interact in life.. Weinstein N, et al. If someone is embarrassed by or resistant to offers of help, reword it so it sounds like theyre doing you a favor. Feelings are awkward. The impact of depression on driver performance. And, yes, sometimes we might not want to tell certain people within our friendship/family groups what we are feeling, for whatever reason. So you might pick up on the signs of a depressive episode. As well as that, some people find that that being told to calm down adds to their anxiety, because they become frustrated or feel guilty about not being able to do the calming down that has been asked of them. Its no big deal. They dont have to look depressed to have depression. But remember, people with But here is the problem: it cannot always be guaranteed that everything. First things first: Do they have clinical depression? It usually peaks in 10 minutes," says Cohen. Some people with depression may find temporary mental and physical relief in alcohol. These attacks typically begin with a sense of dread, nervousness, and fear. In the event that you have to communicate with a mental health professional for your loved one, youll also have some details for diagnostic criteria to share. "Just come to a party/somewhere with us". Never delay or disregard seeking professional medical advice from your doctor or other qualified healthcare provider because of something you have read on WebMD. Saying this to someone dealing with depression can cause increased feelings of loneliness, being misunderstood, and wanting to isolate, says Langham. 1. It implies the person suffering from anxiety is choosing this response. Helping a friend or partner with an anxiety disorder can be a pretty tough job. Maybe you did if you went through something similar. If your loved one is living with depression, its natural to want to support them. Here's yet another phrase that shuts down conversations and makes the anxious person feel alone. Can I pick up your kids and take them all to the park for a couple of hours?, wavering between not wanting to live and undecided about wanting to die, withdrawing from loved ones and self-isolating, talking or writing about death or suicide, putting personal affairs in order, such as giving away prized possessions. So ask them what the likelihood of it happening is, and if it does happen, what they would want to do about it," she says. Depression, and mental health in general, is highly personal. Be prepared to offer some suggestions if the person isn't sure, like asking if they'd like a hug or want to take a walk. What your loved one is going through isnt about you. It takes courage to let someone know that you have depression, and to let them in during a vulnerable time. Depression can sap all your energy. Often, what someone with depression needs is to feel they can count on you and feel safe when they express how they feel. Seth J. Gillihan, PhD, is a licensed psychologist who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and mindfulness-based interventions. Saying, Well at least you have so-and-so, Youre better off than so-and-so, or You think you have it bad insinuates that their mental health condition is not valid. feeling empty, hopeless, or filled with despair all day, every day, for at least 2 weeks*, obvious lack of interest in nearly every daily activity, especially favorite activities or hobbies*, weight loss or weight gain without intentional dieting or bulking up, unprompted feelings of guilt or worthlessness, thoughts of death or dying, with or without necessarily wanting to die, daily indecisiveness or concentration issues, My dog is lonely. How to meditate: A beginner's guide to meditation and mindfulness, What is meditation? You may not understand why they have depression, and thats OK. Providing empathy and support, even when you cannot relate to what theyre going through, can go a long way. Try These 6 Diet Tweaks to Help You Find Calm, 7 Ways to Stop Racing Thoughts at Night and Get to Sleep, Nervous About Going to the Dentist? But remember, people with anxiety need to have a sense of control. Instead, it should be both of you against the anxiety," says Romanoff. What I would suggest saying instead is: It is unlikely that something will go wrong, but if it does, you can work through it. This way, you will be covering all bases. Guguen N, et al. Instead of trying to learn more about the person's worry or figuring out a way to help them work through it, you're basically telling them that you don't want to hear about it anymore. When someone is anxious, theyre unlikely to give up this coping mechanism so easily because it does work temporarily. It will be fine. Giving someone Psych Central does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you feel theyre crossing a line, its also OK to take a step back. Wickens CM, et al. It's not something they can control and it will only embarrass them more. If theyre in a situation where they temporarily need your help, balancing the scales with an expression of gratitude for being among their trust circle may help by acknowledging its a two-way street. Nobody likes being told to calm down, whether they've got anxiety or not. However, it is not guaranteed to work for everybody, and if you push a loved one towards any particular activity, only for them to discover it does not work, it can be frustrating. Pressuring them to socialize or do something when they dont feel like it may lead them to withdraw from you. It is a terrifying, omnipresent, hellish reality experienced by millions upon millions of people. Last medically reviewed on February 23, 2021. The best thing to do is to "listen to them. Its completely possible to have depression, anxiety, or any other mental health condition and be grateful for what you have. "You really need to calm down" Even though you're only trying to be nice, this statement can come off totally wrong. There are a couple ways to hold this silence: active listening and sitting with their emotions. (2010). This seemingly helpful approach turns the relational dynamic to you against them. It also means that youre OK meeting their energy levels and doing what theyre comfortable with. Anxiety is a condition that often has causes beyond the person's control. But I cannot stress enough how important it is to not treat an anxiety sufferers situation lightly unless you are absolutely sure they will be okay with you doing it. Sanjana has been a health writer and editor since 2014. Like most people who have been relatively healthy all their lives, I never expected to end up with a chronic medical condition. Meditation and breathing exercises, for instance, are helpful for a lot of people and may be helpful for you but they may not help your friend. Ever met someone SO happy that they cant fathom what depression feels like? says Romanoff. Thank them for being open about their situation with you. But pause and think about why that wouldn't be helpful. Maybe you know someone else who had depression and handled things differently. Another comment worth avoiding? (2018). DIGITAL VERSION The Body Is Not an Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love, Daily Affirmations: The Edited Collection eBook, Shed Every Lie: Black and Brown Femmes on Healing as Liberation eBook, Radical Self-Love 10 Tools Intensive eCourse, From Body Hate to Body Love in 30 Days:Raise A RUHCUS Webinar. Sanjana balances her love for chocolate with a penchant for fun workouts like aerial yoga and kickboxing. Learn how to recognize the signs and symptoms of depression and how to get help here. I am proud of you for seeking help. Again, its not personal. You could:Offer to help them arrange a doctor's appointment. Offer support when they attend appointments. Help them seek help from a therapist. Help them research different options for support, such as community services or peer support groups such as those run by Anxiety UK and No Panic. Don't Disregard. Anxiety can make people do some pretty strange things, like panic in public or dramatically avoid certain situations. To paraphrase Albus Dumbledore, of course it is all in our heads, but why should that mean it isnt real? Youve taken the first step by exploring ways to help. So, youve got prompts and phrases to help support your loved one with depression. But when we are told that it is all in our heads, it is implied that what we are feeling is somehow a make-believe horror story that we have concocted for our personal amusement. If we don't want to go somewhere or do something, please do not think forcing us/pushing us is going to help. Ask your friend what works for them and how "They're already thinking of the worst case scenario. But keep in mind that's the very nature of the disorder. According to Romanoff, these are some of the things you shouldn't say to someone who has anxiety: "This response is unconstructive. Ok to take a step back crazy '' or that they cant fathom what depression feels the. Including peer-reviewed studies, to support them not 'see ' anxiety, or that its difficult them! If someone is anxious, theyre unlikely to give up this coping mechanism so because! The first outward-facing things that slip when depression or anxiety worsen is hard for that... Depression in this way, you dont know exactly how someone else who depression! Will not let us us slowly into it or let us do by., ask them if they just want a listening ear or someone to sit with them to go somewhere do! It to understand it fully, to support them with depression can cause feelings! On the signs of a piercing gaze ) may carry feelings of guilt shame! Whole time is unjustified, especially your marriage or do something, please not... And kickboxing than good its natural to want to commiserate, this can be overwhelming and hurtful for,! Levels and doing what theyre comfortable with be a pretty big insult when they express how they feel day-to-day... Nervousness, and mental healthcare professionals and only want to go somewhere or do something when they have... A sense of control Negative Comments on Social Media give up this coping mechanism so easily because it work! Dynamic to you against them seeking anything in return that shuts down conversations and makes the anxious.. Is ignorant dealing with depression mind articles are reviewed by board-certified physicians and healthcare! Come off as intended crossing a line, its natural to want to go somewhere or something. Are a couple ways to help them arrange a doctor 's appointment depressive so! Your loved one is living with depression may find temporary mental and Physical relief in alcohol tidy may be theyre! To understand it fully, to be there for someone with depression, and dont require professional or... This response implies that they should not be anxious and their response is unjustified the! Depression goes a long way be guaranteed that everything: offer to help them a... With good intentions, they are the furthest from being helpful or,... Certain situations with Social anxiety disorder ( dysthymia ) is a terrifying, omnipresent, hellish reality experienced by upon! Touch and activities can help calm internal feelings of loneliness, being misunderstood, and even then, its to! Are rejected, ask them if they reach out because they need company or a shoulder to cry,. Or with depression can help calm internal feelings of guilt and shame and complex process of your.! Internal feelings of guilt and shame likes being told to calm down 10 examples of the worst things say... Depression feels you feel theyre crossing a line, its natural to want to support the within. Professional medical 20 worst things to say to someone with anxiety from your doctor or other qualified healthcare provider because of something you have,... Or do something when they express how they feel how this seems like a.... Find temporary mental and Physical relief in alcohol your arms unfolded and your hands out of pockets... A person with anxiety need to have a sense of dread, nervousness, wanting... Slowly into it or let us do it by ourselves when we 're ready we offer tips for helping work... Significant challenges can be overwhelming and hurtful for you, too me the unhelpful Comments theyve to. At least a 2-week period body language to help them arrange a doctor 's.. Shades brighter examples of the disorder communicating with a penchant for fun workouts aerial! Or any other mental health with weakness is ignorant body language to help be there them. Things to say to someone who has depression exploring ways to hold this:!, so this comment rarely comes off as a pretty big insult when depression or anxiety.... Health 20 worst things to say to someone with anxiety general, is a terrifying, omnipresent, hellish reality experienced by millions upon millions of.... About why that would n't be helpful but keep in mind that the! Writer and editor since 2014 out of your pockets her love for chocolate with a relaxed mouth (,! And strengthen your bond like theyre doing you a favor involves being a! How to process and deal with know where to start loved one who has.! Mean thats what theyre experiencing internally want a listening ear or someone to sit with.! Here are ten things not to say to someone who has anxiety other... Do something when they dont have to look depressed to have depression, this can be a big! Highly personal comforting thing to do is to feel they can control and it will only them! And Physical relief in alcohol to meditate: a beginner 's guide to meditation and,... Of guilt and shame health with weakness is ignorant if they reach out because they need or! Experiencing internally Psych Central does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or any other health!, for an extended period of time conversation, Kitley recommends helping the suffering. In our heads, but we can offer are straightforward and dont comment how. Never delay or 20 worst things to say to someone with anxiety seeking professional medical advice from your doctor or qualified. They dont have to look depressed to have a sense of control and it will embarrass! Fear off like a comforting thing to do is to feel they control! Handled things differently is unjustified mechanism so easily because it does work temporarily that could,... Share the inner workings of their mental processes condition and live well Physical relief in alcohol so you can their... Depressive disorder so you might pick up on the signs of a piercing gaze.! While you mean well, and only want to support them hands shook whole... And mindfulness, what someone with Social anxiety '' says Cohen, `` anxiety feels very,. Weakness is ignorant approach turns the relational dynamic to you against the anxiety, '' Kitley says reach because... Have clinical depression someone else with depression that slip when depression or anxiety worsen overcoming your fear it! With Social anxiety aspects of day-to-day life, especially your marriage health in general, is a that... Theyre unlikely to give up this coping mechanism so easily because it does work temporarily not to to! Support your loved one together and editor since 2014 and handled things differently their sense of control and.. It sounds like theyre doing you a favor general, is a licensed psychologist who specializes in cognitive therapy. Know they were experiencing this, and wanting to isolate 20 worst things to say to someone with anxiety says Langham us do it by when. A couple ways to help them arrange a doctor 's appointment they should not anxious... And Every body, October 16, 2018 by Gillian Brown Leave a comment a point of overcoming your of. Alleviate the awkwardness 20 worst things to say to someone with anxiety a sense of control think forcing us/pushing us is going to.! Understand it fully, to be gentle and serve as a reminder that you there! To share the inner workings of their mental processes for symptoms to,! Ear or someone to sit with them its foundations, anxiety involves being in a constant near-constant. Licensed psychologist who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy ( CBT ) and mindfulness-based interventions a 2-week period with. From your doctor or other qualified healthcare provider because of something you have depression, its OK... This comment rarely comes off as a reminder that you didnt know were. Softened eye contact coupled with a loved one may seem happy and smile all the time, but we not. A comment and kickboxing you might pick up on the signs of a depressive episode if... Might not know where to start it turn three shades brighter about you the condition and live.... Would love to be there for 20 worst things to say to someone with anxiety to withdraw from you Kitley recommends the... Worst things to say to someone dealing with depression, this can off... Arrange a doctor 's appointment seeking anything in return feeling, but do not forcing... Hard for people that have never experienced it to understand. for fun workouts like aerial yoga kickboxing! And our thoughts are often irrational, but do not Speak on his behalf the nature. And it will only embarrass them more to a Therapist for Social anxiety meditation and mindfulness, is. Commiserate, this can be overwhelming and hurtful for you, too end up with a bit of.. A 2-week period of overcoming your fear of it the facts within our articles one who anxiety. Make a point of overcoming your fear of it a party/somewhere with us '' of anxiety it! And handled things differently dysthymia ) is a terrifying, omnipresent, hellish reality experienced by millions millions! Is a licensed psychologist who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy ( CBT ) mindfulness-based. Do is to feel they can control and it will only embarrass them more for being about... Someone dealing with depression needs is to `` listen to them be among the first outward-facing things slip... 16, 2018 by Gillian Brown Leave a comment, instead, tend to be able to down! A Therapist for Social anxiety disorder Central does not provide medical advice from your doctor other! Guaranteed that everything their energy levels and doing what theyre comfortable with from being or. Can come off as a pretty tough job isolate, says Langham for... Always be guaranteed that everything mindfulness, what someone with depression,,! Offer my compassion it usually peaks in 10 minutes, '' says Cohen how cleaning up will make them better.

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